Amanda Bynes does MAXIM
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
China Babydoll Underwear and Lingerie
China Babydoll Underwear and Lingerie
Sheer lace baby doll, comes with matching thong.The whole set is made of Semi-transparent nylon fabric, with elegant embroidery. Strapless top with a long ribbon bow detailed on center front, and come with a matching thong
Sheer lace baby doll, comes with matching thong.The whole set is made of Semi-transparent nylon fabric, with elegant embroidery. Strapless top with a long ribbon bow detailed on center front, and come with a matching thong
China Babydoll Underwear and Lingerie
Profil Rin Sakuragi - Aktris Suster Keramas
Profil Rin Sakuragi - Aktris Suster Keramas
Rin Sakuragi adalah satu nama yang sangat penomenal sekarang ini, Aktris Cantik berdarah jepang baru-baru ini turut ambil bagian dalam produksi film Indonesia Suster Keramas. Aktris cantik yang juga salah satu bintang film porno jepang ini sebenarnya adalah aktris pengganti Maria Ozawa atau Miyabi yang gagal didatangkan ke Indonesia untuk membintangi film yang berjudul Menculik Miyabi.
Suster Keramas adalah film yang sangat kontroversial karena dianggap terlalu vulgar karena mengandung adegan-adegan bugil di dalamnya. Dibawah ini sajian khusus tentang profil Rin Sakuragi yang dikutip dari salah situs porno jepang, meskipun mungkin agak telat nulisnya tapi untuk mengisi kekosongan postingan tidak ada salahnya jika sedikit memaparkannya.
Profil Rin Sakuragi
Rin Sakuragi adalah satu nama yang sangat penomenal sekarang ini, Aktris Cantik berdarah jepang baru-baru ini turut ambil bagian dalam produksi film Indonesia Suster Keramas. Aktris cantik yang juga salah satu bintang film porno jepang ini sebenarnya adalah aktris pengganti Maria Ozawa atau Miyabi yang gagal didatangkan ke Indonesia untuk membintangi film yang berjudul Menculik Miyabi.
Suster Keramas adalah film yang sangat kontroversial karena dianggap terlalu vulgar karena mengandung adegan-adegan bugil di dalamnya. Dibawah ini sajian khusus tentang profil Rin Sakuragi yang dikutip dari salah situs porno jepang, meskipun mungkin agak telat nulisnya tapi untuk mengisi kekosongan postingan tidak ada salahnya jika sedikit memaparkannya.
Profil Rin Sakuragi
- TTL : Hyogo, Jepang, 3 Maret 1989
- Zodiac : Pisces
- Tinggi : 158 cm
- Hobby : Nonton Film, Bermain dengan anjing
- Keahlian : Memasak
- Golongan darah : B
True Blood Season 2 Episode 11 | Watch True Blood Frenzy s02e11 Online Stream
True Blood Season 2 Episode 11 | Watch True Blood Frenzy s02e11 Online Stream
Source: www.blogger.com
Source: www.blogger.com
Michael Jackson Finally Laid to Rest
Michael Jackson Finally Laid to Rest
-Photo by Getty Images-
It's been over two months since the King of Pop suddenly passed away, but Michael Jackson was finally laid to rest Thursday night at�Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Glendale, Ca.
People.com reports that high-profile friends of the superstar, like Lisa Marie Presley, Elizabeth Taylor, Macaulay Culkin,�joined the Jackson family to say goodbye to their loved one for the last time.
Just like at the very public memorial service�in July (but on a much smaller scale), Michael's�brothers, wearing one sequined white glove,�carried the casket, placing it on a stage in front of�about 200 guests.�Once it was�in place, Michael's three children, Prince Michael, Paris, and�Blanket�adorned the casket with a crown --�acknowledging their dad's role as the King of Pop. Marlon Jackson reportedly said that the kids wrote letters to their dad, which were put inside his casket.
Prayers and music followed, with eulogies by Rev. Al Sharpton, Michael's dad, Joe�Jackson, and words from other family�and friends.
After the ceremony, the�Jackson brothers�carried the casket to the Grand Mausoleum.
Michael's family issued statement to "once again thank all of Michael Jackson's fans around the world for their generous outpouring of support during this terribly difficult time. Their expressions of love for Michael and his music have sustained the Jackson Family."
It's been a long road for Michael and his family, but, hopefully, the King will finally get the peace it seemed he was always searching for.
Remember Michael's amazing life and career.
See photos from Michael Jackson's�public memorial service.
Lady Gaga: The Perfect Pop Creation
Lady Gaga: The Perfect Pop Creation
I found this article about Lady Gaga and I found it to be pretty interesting drawing comparisons to David Bowie, Queen, and every other glam rock star of the 70s and 80s, so I thought I would post it here for you guys. Enjoy! See, GaGa came along with Iggy Pop’s sluttishness, Bowie’s pretention and Lou’s [...]
Source: themagnificentb.wordpress.com
I found this article about Lady Gaga and I found it to be pretty interesting drawing comparisons to David Bowie, Queen, and every other glam rock star of the 70s and 80s, so I thought I would post it here for you guys. Enjoy! See, GaGa came along with Iggy Pop’s sluttishness, Bowie’s pretention and Lou’s [...]
I found this article about Lady Gaga and I found it to be pretty interesting drawing comparisons to David Bowie, Queen, and every other glam rock star of the 70s and 80s, so I thought I would post it here for you guys. Enjoy!
See, GaGa came along with Iggy Pop’s sluttishness, Bowie’s pretention and Lou’s Warhol wet-dream and decided to make music that was equally pompous and knowingly dumb as the aforementioned canonised rock stars. However, GaGa suffers from being too brash and too brazen in her quest for fame. She’s hungry for it to the point where it’s borderline perverted.Between the grizzled threesome of Lou Reed, Iggy Pop and David Bowie, bad sex, worse drugs, androgyny, alienation and good times found a good home in song. All of these artists went through pretty lean times whilst people tried to cotton on to what was going on. Iggy was too dumb and too blond. Bowie was too hungry for fame and Lou was just plain weird and distant.
These artists all struggled and plugged away until Warhol effectively sponsored the Velvets like a football team, Iggy got his dick out and Bowie stopped trying to look like a Yardbird and decided to look like a sex nymph from space. Then, the world slowly began to realise what the deal was.
If only they’d known that, if they’d formed like Voltron to make one super freak, they would’ve conquered the world in a chicken minute.
Of course, these days, we’re too jaded and cynical to let anyone strut around the place straight off the bat like they own it. Pop stars still need to earn their stripes if Whitey is going to start singing their praises.
That’s why “Whitey” – is on the run from Lady GaGa.
See, GaGa came along with Iggy sluttishness, Bowie’s pretention and Lou’s Warhol wet-dream and decided to make music that was equally pompous and knowingly dumb as the aforementioned canonised rock stars. However, GaGa suffers from being too brash and too brazen in her quest for fame. She’s hungry for it to the point where it’s borderline perverted.
Whilst it’s okay to be, say, a fame-hungry music mogul like McGee or McLaren, some star-chasing popstar is always going to be dismissed as throwaway trash. In GaGa, we’ve finally been granted a pop star who can play the game and, if you want, pretend that the neediness is borne from some art-school statement… something that a punk won’t ever have the audacity to confess too.
Excitement doesn’t come too thick or fast in the world of music and when it does, it’s feverishly grabbed at in chunks of flesh. GaGa is chastised in the dreariest way possible for offering, quite literally, the skin we desire. However, what Whitey can’t accept is that she’s doing a thing that is still so admired in the likes of Iggy & Co.
At long last, after years of landfill shmindie and anti-pop groups in white suits obediently awaiting the key-change, we have someone who is single-handedly trying to redefine the very notion of what a pop star can be in The Noughties and beyond. As a project, it’s bold and brilliant and going to require a whole lotta shaking of the tail-feather.
Whitey has for too long, sat around talking about the lack of influential pop stars on the planet. I was one of those guys too. Where are the likes of The Beatles, casting a hand over the whole of popular culture and making people readdress the way they go about their business? You want a maverick spirit?
We’re slap-bang in the middle of a pop era which is seeing singers knowingly redefining themselves and creating personas. Every single one of them is aping GaGa’s moves. Pop’s most important people have fallen like trees to be more like The First Lady of Pop.Beyonce wanted a piece of the GaGa action and Rihanna went from being the archetypal ghetto hustler to someone between the two. Between the three, we’ve got the glitterball adrenaline rush of the embryonic days of Glam when Bowie, T-Rex and Roxy Music.
Whilst “Whitey” will heap praise on the Sainted rock of yore with the usual Trad. Arr. spiel of wondrous androgyny and inventive, hooky pop, GaGa arrives similarly to her own fanfare with the weirds and everyone dismisses it as cheap, whorish and Rizla-thin.Whilst it may be all of those things, Whitey won’t let on that those three things are three of the greatest things a pop-star can be.
Speaking as someone who caught the opening show of GaGa’s Monster Ball Tour, I could draw the parallel between her and the rock of ages. She out-Queened MUSE and out-weirded Marilyn Manson. Dancers vomiting paint, flaming pianos and 15ft high Angler fish all appeared out of a show so dazzling that only a fool would deny the bombastic fun… which, incidentally, is music’s raison d’être.
Muse probably collectively sneered at Madonna when she started to aim high with her pointed bra way back when, only to find themselves looking back (from a safe-distance) and sagely nodding in agreement that she was “pretty good” and how “we could do with another one of her like right now”.
However, GaGa is here and now and to be celebrated and enjoyed. In ‘Just Dance’, we’ve got her call to arms. It’s her ‘Into The Groove’. It isn’t a mark of her talent, but rather, the track that was released to acclimatise us all at the entrance of The Haus of GaGa. It’s simple and direct and echoing the original sentiment of rock & roll.
It wouldn’t be until ‘Bad Romance’ that everyone would suddenly begin to understand what GaGa was doing. The kids went wild for it and the older fans went from adoring to infatuated. If Whitey could have let the pop-snobbery go for one second, they would have realised that GaGa was effectively realising the future of pop as imagined by Human League when they made Dare.
She sends that great message of “dance like there’s no-one watching, sing like there’s no-one listening and fuck like you’re being filmed”. Something you won’t hear in the pointless noodling of Rock Critic Approved Animal Collective.
And so, if Whitey appreciates the trash-aesthetic, he certainly won’t accept that there’s something deeper to be found. To the braying know-it-all, she’s little more than some dumb-bitch in hotpants singing Europop. However, that’s the opinion of someone skating the surface like a cultural pond-fly. You don’t have to dig deep to find an entire world of scarred-bravado, melodramatic camp and vulnerability. While “Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah, roma-roma-ma-ah, gaga-ooh-la-la” is tossed to the side by idiots to short-sighted to see that a line like that could’ve been from the frenzied pen of Little Richard, elsewhere, she’s creating great rock & roll lyrics.
The words of ‘Poker Face’ in a retro-futuristic setting are easy to miss, yet split it from the irresistible synthpop and it’s a classic shit-kicker ‘50s greaser county track. “I wanna hold em’ like they do in Texas, please… fold em’, let em’ hit me, raise it baby, stay with me… Luck and intuition, play the cards with spades to start.” Elsewhere, “Some men may follow me… but you choose death and company”, which would be praised to the point of parody if it came from the mouth of Morrissey or Dylan.
Like Carole King before her, GaGa is a one woman Brill Building.
Of course, all of that is missed because the easiest thing to do in the world is to hate a famous pop-star. GaGa is weird and an attention seeker… sure… but you gotta imagine that pop-conservatists were exactly the same when Ziggy Stardust emerged from his glittery pod and played guitar with Weird and Gilly.
GaGa is more than just a famous singer-songwriter. Whitey’s brain scrambles at the mere mention of her name. They don’t get it… they’re not even getting near the ballpark of it. All the while, those who have climbed on board are reliving that great moment in music when fans stopped caring about what some dumb critic or nay-saying catholic record buyer thought and hopped on the train dressed in weird clothes and strange make-up. As last seen in Glam, Friday night conjecture is out of the window in favour of the beautiful and weird blossoming of the suppressed thoughts in people’s minds. T-Rex got boys in feather boas. GaGa is bringing back punk S&M and mirrored tits.
So next time you hear the dumb lyric of your favourite garage punk 45 or listen to anything produced by Vince Clarke… the next time you dig the strange Phil Spector track or thrill at the oddballery of Grace Jones, ask yourself why you aren’t fizzing with undiluted excitement at a star that combines all the weird forward-thinking aesthetic and battered and bruised tenderness of a pop-star that matches all those things on her own terms and managed to shit out a pop-art Faberge egg the size of a juggernaut.
The suicide blonde train-wreck has got the kids onside and Whitey on the run – some of whom will invariably relent and accept that we’ve got The Real Deal on our hands. So big is Lady GaGa’s star is that it doesn’t need defending. The only people who need addressing are those dismissing her act on principle.
You really ought to enjoy this phenomenon while you can because we’re not due one for another 20 years. While Whitey skulks with his John and Beverley Martyn long-players, the rest of us will just dance, “half psychotic, sick, hypnotic” (and if that’s not a garage punk sentiment, I don’t know what is).
Wanna know where all the proper rock stars have gone? Well there’s one who has decided to camp in the pop hemisphere and you were too precious to even notice.
Source: themagnificentb.wordpress.com
The Mayor's Broke-Ass Challenge
The Mayor's Broke-Ass Challenge
Hey everyone! I know this will seem like a waste of a post to those of you out there who live the high life in your Trump condos and wipe your ass with endangered chinchilla pelts, but this is a post for the rest of us: broke-asses. Well, wait - let me clarify; I work a very decent job and I am by no means sleeping on a poo-stained mattress every night or limiting dental care to scratching at my teeth with my fingernails. But when I need to save money for something large, I really have to curb my spending. I don't usually spend a ton of money on clothes (most come from second-hand stores), I don't often drink, don't smoke, don't have a car. So guess where all my money goes? That's right - expensive foods. I wouldn't ever spend more than $20 on a hair cut, but I don't think twice about blowing $100 through cheese. I really want to buy a new bike (I have it picked out and everything!) so I need to start saving where I can. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mayor's Broke-Ass Challenge!
I used to think that saving money on food and drinks was limited to those making pruno in the penal system, but it doesn't have to get that bleak. JOKING! It does get that bad; I'm going to suffer from organ failure within the week, I know it. I started in the produce section looking for cheap fruits and vegetables. EPIC FAIL. Why is fruit so pricey? No wonder the poor kids I grew up with thought the 4 major food groups were noodles, cheez, bread, and pudding: tomatoes just weren't in the budget. Citrus was out because most are priced per piece; $1 for an orange? I'm sorry, I didn't realize I lived in Communist Russia. It's times like this that I wished I lived in a warmer climate where things grew all year and not just two months in the summer. I finally found a good deal - $1.99 for a pint of strawberries. Sure, they were imported from another country, but beggars can't be choosers when it comes to cheap food. Plus, they didn't look like they had dead scorpions in them, so they went into the basket.
With one item in my basket I moved onto personal care stuff. I knew I needed soap, but my usual brand is too expensive - $2 per bar - so I needed to sniff out a deal. I decided to go with the ghetto brand - Jergens - and then sunk even further by finding the generic version of Jergens. It's called Pure and Natural, which means that I'll probably break out in a rash the very first time I use it. BUT I got 8 bars of soap for $2.29. That means that each bar only cost $0.28 - that's some fucking cheap soap. I'm starting to think they were definitely made by Chinese laborers in a 200-degree factory with no washroom breaks. Well have to see how terrible they are (although they do smell good).
Dinner was clearly going to come in the form of a can, and there is no better cheap canned dinner than something homemade from the love of my life, Executive Chef Hector Boyardee. And just like my soap purchase, I went even one step cheaper by getting a can of No Name pasta. Okay, time for another Canadiana lesson for my American readers. In Canada, we have two grocery giants: Metro and Loblaw (okay, that's not totally true. We also have Italian supermarkets like Brunos, Weston Fine Foods, and Longos, and super WASP-y Sobeys, but in general, go to any town in Canada and you'll find a variation on Loblaws or Metro). No Name is the generic-of-the-generic brand, meaning Loblaws has a generic brand called President's Choice, and this is the even more generic, white trash brand. And they don't even disguise it; you know how some generic brands try to church up their names to sound all "hey! We're not what the poor kids have to buy! We're just like the name brand!"? Yeah, No Name doesn't give a shit; they tell you exactly what you're getting. For example:
I'm dead serious with that packaging too - it makes you feel like you're buying wartime rations. My No Name Beefaroni ("Macaroni and Beef", which sounds like something your mother would make if she worked the night shift at a casino) rung in at a cheap $1.39. This is where I'm scared, people; I am very picky and very good at telling the difference between brand-name and generic foods, as well as differentiating between common items (I can smell a cola and tell you whether it's Diet Coke or Diet Pepsi). Which means No Name Macaroni and Beef is either going to be a piss-poor substitute at best, or the most vile thing I have ever put in my mouth (and I did work down at the docks in college. HEY-O! I'll be here all week).
I also picked up a can of $0.99 No Name beans, but I have tried them before and they're delicious (but really, how do you fuck up beans, amiright?)
For the past while at work I have been eating out or bringing whatever from home, or just eating a late breakfast that will tie me over till dinner, but it's not really working for me. I think I'd like to have a decent lunch from here on out, so I picked up some cheap soup ($1.99 for a box. Yes, my soup came in a box. FUCK OFF) and it was on sale, so double score; lunch for two days, $1 per lunch. Again, this isn't a risk because it's Knorr soup, which is delicious. In case you were wondering, I bought broccoli and some kind of ground-up vegetable/potato soup. I have tried both before and they are really good but give me tummy shames (read: make me a little windy).
Lastly I knew I needed cereal, since I go through cereal like a child left alone on Saturday morning. On Saturday I bought a Family-sized box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch: by last night it was all gone (4 days. I'd like to say that's a new record, but my personal best has been a family sized box of Lucky Charms in 24 hours. Not my proudest moment). My old budget would have allowed me to pick out whatever my heart desired. $7.99 for a tiny box of All Bran Strawberry Bites? Don't mind if I do! But my days of $8 cereal are over, so it's back to Welfare Choice for me. Now, here's a little known fact about cereal shopping: try to find a box of anything for under $3. I know, right? Aren't the ingredients mostly grains and sugar? To the best of my knowledge those are pretty cheap, so why is cereal so pricey? Blargh. Nothing was really on sale; they did have a decent 2 for $6 deal, but that just encourages me to bowl-after-bowl binge. So I bought what was cheap ($2.94) and plentiful (500g) and decent sounding (President's Choice Raisin Almond Crunch). I haven't tried it yet, but I'm sure it's not going to be terrible. I mean, it's going to be a very shitty cousin of Raisin Bran, but isn't everything really just a shitty cousin of Raisin Bran? (What? Exactly).
Rounding out my shopping trip was a splurge - 1% plain yogurt. It was only $2.09 and will last me all week, but I felt shameful for not buying the hyper-discounted, nearly expired kids yogurt tubes. I would have saved $0.75, but lost something much greater (parasite-free intestinal walls. Also, dignity).
Everything came to $16.93, which kind of surprised me. I thought I could go much lower. 9 items for almost $17? I must be doing something wrong. Next time I want to make a goal for myself - say $15 and 12 items. I don't know if I have a hope in hell of achieving that kind of a lofty goal, but goddamnit, I'm going to try. This just in, I need a fucking life.
Hey everyone! I know this will seem like a waste of a post to those of you out there who live the high life in your Trump condos and wipe your ass with endangered chinchilla pelts, but this is a post for the rest of us: broke-asses. Well, wait - let me clarify; I work a very decent job and I am by no means sleeping on a poo-stained mattress every night or limiting dental care to scratching at my teeth with my fingernails. But when I need to save money for something large, I really have to curb my spending. I don't usually spend a ton of money on clothes (most come from second-hand stores), I don't often drink, don't smoke, don't have a car. So guess where all my money goes? That's right - expensive foods. I wouldn't ever spend more than $20 on a hair cut, but I don't think twice about blowing $100 through cheese. I really want to buy a new bike (I have it picked out and everything!) so I need to start saving where I can. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mayor's Broke-Ass Challenge!
I used to think that saving money on food and drinks was limited to those making pruno in the penal system, but it doesn't have to get that bleak. JOKING! It does get that bad; I'm going to suffer from organ failure within the week, I know it. I started in the produce section looking for cheap fruits and vegetables. EPIC FAIL. Why is fruit so pricey? No wonder the poor kids I grew up with thought the 4 major food groups were noodles, cheez, bread, and pudding: tomatoes just weren't in the budget. Citrus was out because most are priced per piece; $1 for an orange? I'm sorry, I didn't realize I lived in Communist Russia. It's times like this that I wished I lived in a warmer climate where things grew all year and not just two months in the summer. I finally found a good deal - $1.99 for a pint of strawberries. Sure, they were imported from another country, but beggars can't be choosers when it comes to cheap food. Plus, they didn't look like they had dead scorpions in them, so they went into the basket.
With one item in my basket I moved onto personal care stuff. I knew I needed soap, but my usual brand is too expensive - $2 per bar - so I needed to sniff out a deal. I decided to go with the ghetto brand - Jergens - and then sunk even further by finding the generic version of Jergens. It's called Pure and Natural, which means that I'll probably break out in a rash the very first time I use it. BUT I got 8 bars of soap for $2.29. That means that each bar only cost $0.28 - that's some fucking cheap soap. I'm starting to think they were definitely made by Chinese laborers in a 200-degree factory with no washroom breaks. Well have to see how terrible they are (although they do smell good).
Dinner was clearly going to come in the form of a can, and there is no better cheap canned dinner than something homemade from the love of my life, Executive Chef Hector Boyardee. And just like my soap purchase, I went even one step cheaper by getting a can of No Name pasta. Okay, time for another Canadiana lesson for my American readers. In Canada, we have two grocery giants: Metro and Loblaw (okay, that's not totally true. We also have Italian supermarkets like Brunos, Weston Fine Foods, and Longos, and super WASP-y Sobeys, but in general, go to any town in Canada and you'll find a variation on Loblaws or Metro). No Name is the generic-of-the-generic brand, meaning Loblaws has a generic brand called President's Choice, and this is the even more generic, white trash brand. And they don't even disguise it; you know how some generic brands try to church up their names to sound all "hey! We're not what the poor kids have to buy! We're just like the name brand!"? Yeah, No Name doesn't give a shit; they tell you exactly what you're getting. For example:
I'm dead serious with that packaging too - it makes you feel like you're buying wartime rations. My No Name Beefaroni ("Macaroni and Beef", which sounds like something your mother would make if she worked the night shift at a casino) rung in at a cheap $1.39. This is where I'm scared, people; I am very picky and very good at telling the difference between brand-name and generic foods, as well as differentiating between common items (I can smell a cola and tell you whether it's Diet Coke or Diet Pepsi). Which means No Name Macaroni and Beef is either going to be a piss-poor substitute at best, or the most vile thing I have ever put in my mouth (and I did work down at the docks in college. HEY-O! I'll be here all week).
I also picked up a can of $0.99 No Name beans, but I have tried them before and they're delicious (but really, how do you fuck up beans, amiright?)
For the past while at work I have been eating out or bringing whatever from home, or just eating a late breakfast that will tie me over till dinner, but it's not really working for me. I think I'd like to have a decent lunch from here on out, so I picked up some cheap soup ($1.99 for a box. Yes, my soup came in a box. FUCK OFF) and it was on sale, so double score; lunch for two days, $1 per lunch. Again, this isn't a risk because it's Knorr soup, which is delicious. In case you were wondering, I bought broccoli and some kind of ground-up vegetable/potato soup. I have tried both before and they are really good but give me tummy shames (read: make me a little windy).
Lastly I knew I needed cereal, since I go through cereal like a child left alone on Saturday morning. On Saturday I bought a Family-sized box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch: by last night it was all gone (4 days. I'd like to say that's a new record, but my personal best has been a family sized box of Lucky Charms in 24 hours. Not my proudest moment). My old budget would have allowed me to pick out whatever my heart desired. $7.99 for a tiny box of All Bran Strawberry Bites? Don't mind if I do! But my days of $8 cereal are over, so it's back to Welfare Choice for me. Now, here's a little known fact about cereal shopping: try to find a box of anything for under $3. I know, right? Aren't the ingredients mostly grains and sugar? To the best of my knowledge those are pretty cheap, so why is cereal so pricey? Blargh. Nothing was really on sale; they did have a decent 2 for $6 deal, but that just encourages me to bowl-after-bowl binge. So I bought what was cheap ($2.94) and plentiful (500g) and decent sounding (President's Choice Raisin Almond Crunch). I haven't tried it yet, but I'm sure it's not going to be terrible. I mean, it's going to be a very shitty cousin of Raisin Bran, but isn't everything really just a shitty cousin of Raisin Bran? (What? Exactly).
Rounding out my shopping trip was a splurge - 1% plain yogurt. It was only $2.09 and will last me all week, but I felt shameful for not buying the hyper-discounted, nearly expired kids yogurt tubes. I would have saved $0.75, but lost something much greater (parasite-free intestinal walls. Also, dignity).
Everything came to $16.93, which kind of surprised me. I thought I could go much lower. 9 items for almost $17? I must be doing something wrong. Next time I want to make a goal for myself - say $15 and 12 items. I don't know if I have a hope in hell of achieving that kind of a lofty goal, but goddamnit, I'm going to try. This just in, I need a fucking life.
Ben Stiller Updates His Facebook status
Ben Stiller Updates His Facebook status
Ben Stiller is always making us laugh... Well his awkward yet funny impression of him updating his facebook status through video is no different.
Just for fun one of my favirote clips of Ben stiller... his dead on impression Joaquin Phoenix. Love it! If you've never seen it you will too.
Ben Stiller is always making us laugh... Well his awkward yet funny impression of him updating his facebook status through video is no different.
Just for fun one of my favirote clips of Ben stiller... his dead on impression Joaquin Phoenix. Love it! If you've never seen it you will too.
Y-3 Show with Reggie Bush
Y-3 Show with Reggie Bush
Kim wore Martin Margiela cream blazer with funky shoulder pads with Temperley leather leggings and YSL shoes along with gold talons, which sit on the tip of the finger with nails attached made by Bijules.
Kim wore Martin Margiela cream blazer with funky shoulder pads with Temperley leather leggings and YSL shoes along with gold talons, which sit on the tip of the finger with nails attached made by Bijules.
CULT MOVIE REVIEW: Collapse (2009)
CULT MOVIE REVIEW: Collapse (2009)
Forget Orphan, Pandorum or Zombieland, the Chris Smith documentary Collapse is one scary-as-hell movie. Basically, it's a talking-head documentary about the end of the modern world. And it features one riveting speaker at center stage: a man named Michael Ruppert.
Some critics and journalists uncharitably term Ruppert a conspiracy theorist and others have labeled him an alarmist. Yet there's one thing you absolutely can't dispute after watching this film. The man is absolutely spell-binding; electric.
When Ruppert expresses himself, he does so with such great confidence, such incredible intelligence, you virtually hang on every syllable. He's profound and he's compelling, but, of course, what we really want to know is this: is he also right? Is he predicting the shape of things to come?
Over an 82-minute span, this former Los Angeles Police officer and self-described "cartographer" -- who maps how the world really works, not the way we think it works -- describes in excruciating detail why the end is nigh not just for America, but for the entire industrialized world.
For human civilization itself.
The lynch-pin, of course, is Peak Oil. Oil is the very commodity that allows for the production of plastic, that enables modern farming, that helps us build electric plants and nuclear reactors, and more. Take oil out of the human equation, and suddenly everything from the food distribution chain to commuting to your day-job is right out the window. Goodbye Wal-Mart. So long, Target.
What's worse, according to Ruppert, is that the world has no realistic Plan B. There's no back-up paradigm to keep society solvent, secure and productive once oil runs out. Ruppert also alleges that the CIA has known about Peak Oil since the 1970s, and that Dick Cheney's secret energy task force in 2001 concerned this very topic; how to secure the oil fields of Iraq in what is, essentially, a resource war end-game.
In riveting fashion, Ruppert escorts the audience right through every detail of the Peak Oil scenario, explaining why A.N.W.R. drilling, Arctic Drilling and even new Iraq pipelines are -- at absolute best -- momentary solutions to the crisis. Furthermore, Ruppert dismisses Ethanol, electric cars and other "alternatives" with withering but indisputable logic. Without oil, you can't make tires, he reminds us, so what the hell are electric cars going to ride on? Finally, Ruppert does hold out some sliver of hope for solar and wind power.
Late in Collapse, Ruppert mentions Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's five stages of grief, and notes that the modern world is now firmly ensconced in the stage between denial and anger. And that more anger is on its way, as more of us realize a paradigm of "infinite growth" is contrary to the very laws of physics.
To boil down "infinite growth," what Ruppert is saying here is that our economy isn't going to get better...not so long as money and oil are finite commodities. What he's saying is that we're in for more wars to control the last drops of oil. What he's saying is that our way of life is unsustainable.
And if you watch Collapse, you'll see a man who is absolutely anguished over what he believes. Ruppert's beliefs have made him Public Enemy Number #1 to many in rigid ideological circles (think Cheney), a pariah to others, and just a nutcase to the masses. Given this, Ruppert seems to have made no recent emotional attachments to other human beings, though he loves his dog, taking long walks on the beach, and rock'n'roll music.
Collapse concerns global apocalypse, but in some meta-fashion, it's actually about Michael Ruppert's personal apocalypse. What he knows -- or what he thinks he knows -- keeps him isolated, alienated and marginalized. And he will absolutely not compromise his beliefs. No matter what. He likens himself to a German citizen in Hitler's Third Reich; one who could see, ultimately, Hitler's destination and the pain and trauma it would cause the world. If Ruppert were living in that time and place, he would never put down his beliefs and go along with Group Happy Think. And he feels the same way today: he's not about to stop conveying his message of collapse when there's the chance -- even a slim chance -- that he will be heard by someone who can come along and change things.
"We're trapped by old ideas," Ruppert states at one point (and I may be paraphrasing a little). He insists we need a President like Thomas Jefferson who will spark a revolution. Not a violent, physical, bloody revolution but one of fresh ideas, of new thoughts. We need to tear down the conceits we have blindly accepted for decades and start again, he says, with the concepts of balance and sustainability replacing dead ideologies like socialism, communism and -- yes -- capitalism. As Ruppert points out, all of those systems of belief are predicated on the idea of infinite growth.
Throughout Collapse, Michael Ruppert makes his case in a compelling manner, and one bordering on arrogance. When questioned repeatedly about "human ingenuity," he never really answers. Isn't it possible to *think* our way out of this brewing crisis? He doesn't seem to think so, but the movie suggests that Ruppert is as trapped in his old ideas as are the people he so vociferously criticizes. He has -- for good reason, no doubt -- lost hope. He sees only a coming "suicide" of the human race on the horizon.
I agree with Ruppert on the facts (about Peak Oil, about the love of money being the root of all evil, and on the need for a new renaissance in human thought), yet throughout the film I couldn't completely buy into his doomsday interpretations.
Here's why: human beings remain adaptable and inventive. Oil has brought us great riches in the last 120 years, but it wasn't "oil" that imagined X-Rays, CAT scans or MRIs. It wasn't oil that mapped the human genome in less than twenty years. It wasn't oil that conceived the cure for Polio, or invented the Internet. Resources are limited here on Earth, it's true, but the human mind's capacity to grow, evolve and seek new knowledge is infinite. There are probably a million minds in America today working on the problem of Peak Oil, and also considering realistic energy alternatives.
Necessity is the mother of invention, and the great sweep of human history has always been towards improving the human condition. I don't believe we're going to sacrifice everything we hold dear because oil runs out. We will transition (a term Ruppert also uses) -- and there will be some tough times -- but I believe we will endure, and ultimately prosper. That's why my favorite part of Collapse involves Ruppert's stirring lecture on two countries that have been forced to transition: North Korea and Cuba. In North Korea, Ruppert tells us, there was starvation and death after the collapse of the Soviet Union, primarily because it was a top-down, centralized country. In Cuba by contrast, the government liberated and encouraged the people, telling them to take local ownership of their own survival and food-growing facilities. That's actually what happened, with a sort of mini-boom of organic gardening taking hold across the nation.
So yes, ninety-nine percent of all life forms that have ever evolved on Earth have suffered extinction.
But again, alone among these life-forms, man boasts the capacity to re-build the world to his liking; and even seek resources beyond the limits of the Earth. Our understanding of our universe is growing at a rapid pace; perhaps even a rapid enough pace to out-march dangers like over-population and Peak Oil.
Ruppert would no doubt call me a Pollyanna (or at the very least ask me what energy source will power our rockets when oil runs out...) but, as Collapse makes plain, for this man the sky has already fallen. The film neither endorses nor rejects Ruppert's view of things, but instead paints a picture of a man who could be a modern Cassandra...or who may have trapped himself in a purgatory of his own depressing construction.
As citizens of planet Earth, we should deal with cold, hard facts -- yes. But we should also realize that no single doomsday outcome is pre-ordained. To quote a famous science fiction franchise, there's no fate but what we make. And even though we're silly, argumentative creatures, we've accomplished amazing things during our ascent. We've touched the stars.
A thousand years ago, there are many people who would have said such an accomplishment was against the laws of physics too. But we did it, and we're still here. How did we do it? Creativity, imagination, team-work, a sense of belief in ourselves, in our community. Michael Ruppert understands these elements are important, but he is so alone in his own life, it appears, that perhaps he doesn't give these variables the weight they deserve when calculating catastrophe.
See this movie and decide for yourself.
Forget Orphan, Pandorum or Zombieland, the Chris Smith documentary Collapse is one scary-as-hell movie. Basically, it's a talking-head documentary about the end of the modern world. And it features one riveting speaker at center stage: a man named Michael Ruppert.Some critics and journalists uncharitably term Ruppert a conspiracy theorist and others have labeled him an alarmist. Yet there's one thing you absolutely can't dispute after watching this film. The man is absolutely spell-binding; electric.
When Ruppert expresses himself, he does so with such great confidence, such incredible intelligence, you virtually hang on every syllable. He's profound and he's compelling, but, of course, what we really want to know is this: is he also right? Is he predicting the shape of things to come?
Over an 82-minute span, this former Los Angeles Police officer and self-described "cartographer" -- who maps how the world really works, not the way we think it works -- describes in excruciating detail why the end is nigh not just for America, but for the entire industrialized world.
For human civilization itself.
The lynch-pin, of course, is Peak Oil. Oil is the very commodity that allows for the production of plastic, that enables modern farming, that helps us build electric plants and nuclear reactors, and more. Take oil out of the human equation, and suddenly everything from the food distribution chain to commuting to your day-job is right out the window. Goodbye Wal-Mart. So long, Target.
What's worse, according to Ruppert, is that the world has no realistic Plan B. There's no back-up paradigm to keep society solvent, secure and productive once oil runs out. Ruppert also alleges that the CIA has known about Peak Oil since the 1970s, and that Dick Cheney's secret energy task force in 2001 concerned this very topic; how to secure the oil fields of Iraq in what is, essentially, a resource war end-game.
In riveting fashion, Ruppert escorts the audience right through every detail of the Peak Oil scenario, explaining why A.N.W.R. drilling, Arctic Drilling and even new Iraq pipelines are -- at absolute best -- momentary solutions to the crisis. Furthermore, Ruppert dismisses Ethanol, electric cars and other "alternatives" with withering but indisputable logic. Without oil, you can't make tires, he reminds us, so what the hell are electric cars going to ride on? Finally, Ruppert does hold out some sliver of hope for solar and wind power.
Late in Collapse, Ruppert mentions Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's five stages of grief, and notes that the modern world is now firmly ensconced in the stage between denial and anger. And that more anger is on its way, as more of us realize a paradigm of "infinite growth" is contrary to the very laws of physics.
To boil down "infinite growth," what Ruppert is saying here is that our economy isn't going to get better...not so long as money and oil are finite commodities. What he's saying is that we're in for more wars to control the last drops of oil. What he's saying is that our way of life is unsustainable.
And if you watch Collapse, you'll see a man who is absolutely anguished over what he believes. Ruppert's beliefs have made him Public Enemy Number #1 to many in rigid ideological circles (think Cheney), a pariah to others, and just a nutcase to the masses. Given this, Ruppert seems to have made no recent emotional attachments to other human beings, though he loves his dog, taking long walks on the beach, and rock'n'roll music.
Collapse concerns global apocalypse, but in some meta-fashion, it's actually about Michael Ruppert's personal apocalypse. What he knows -- or what he thinks he knows -- keeps him isolated, alienated and marginalized. And he will absolutely not compromise his beliefs. No matter what. He likens himself to a German citizen in Hitler's Third Reich; one who could see, ultimately, Hitler's destination and the pain and trauma it would cause the world. If Ruppert were living in that time and place, he would never put down his beliefs and go along with Group Happy Think. And he feels the same way today: he's not about to stop conveying his message of collapse when there's the chance -- even a slim chance -- that he will be heard by someone who can come along and change things.
"We're trapped by old ideas," Ruppert states at one point (and I may be paraphrasing a little). He insists we need a President like Thomas Jefferson who will spark a revolution. Not a violent, physical, bloody revolution but one of fresh ideas, of new thoughts. We need to tear down the conceits we have blindly accepted for decades and start again, he says, with the concepts of balance and sustainability replacing dead ideologies like socialism, communism and -- yes -- capitalism. As Ruppert points out, all of those systems of belief are predicated on the idea of infinite growth.
Throughout Collapse, Michael Ruppert makes his case in a compelling manner, and one bordering on arrogance. When questioned repeatedly about "human ingenuity," he never really answers. Isn't it possible to *think* our way out of this brewing crisis? He doesn't seem to think so, but the movie suggests that Ruppert is as trapped in his old ideas as are the people he so vociferously criticizes. He has -- for good reason, no doubt -- lost hope. He sees only a coming "suicide" of the human race on the horizon.
I agree with Ruppert on the facts (about Peak Oil, about the love of money being the root of all evil, and on the need for a new renaissance in human thought), yet throughout the film I couldn't completely buy into his doomsday interpretations.
Here's why: human beings remain adaptable and inventive. Oil has brought us great riches in the last 120 years, but it wasn't "oil" that imagined X-Rays, CAT scans or MRIs. It wasn't oil that mapped the human genome in less than twenty years. It wasn't oil that conceived the cure for Polio, or invented the Internet. Resources are limited here on Earth, it's true, but the human mind's capacity to grow, evolve and seek new knowledge is infinite. There are probably a million minds in America today working on the problem of Peak Oil, and also considering realistic energy alternatives.
Necessity is the mother of invention, and the great sweep of human history has always been towards improving the human condition. I don't believe we're going to sacrifice everything we hold dear because oil runs out. We will transition (a term Ruppert also uses) -- and there will be some tough times -- but I believe we will endure, and ultimately prosper. That's why my favorite part of Collapse involves Ruppert's stirring lecture on two countries that have been forced to transition: North Korea and Cuba. In North Korea, Ruppert tells us, there was starvation and death after the collapse of the Soviet Union, primarily because it was a top-down, centralized country. In Cuba by contrast, the government liberated and encouraged the people, telling them to take local ownership of their own survival and food-growing facilities. That's actually what happened, with a sort of mini-boom of organic gardening taking hold across the nation.
So yes, ninety-nine percent of all life forms that have ever evolved on Earth have suffered extinction.
But again, alone among these life-forms, man boasts the capacity to re-build the world to his liking; and even seek resources beyond the limits of the Earth. Our understanding of our universe is growing at a rapid pace; perhaps even a rapid enough pace to out-march dangers like over-population and Peak Oil.
Ruppert would no doubt call me a Pollyanna (or at the very least ask me what energy source will power our rockets when oil runs out...) but, as Collapse makes plain, for this man the sky has already fallen. The film neither endorses nor rejects Ruppert's view of things, but instead paints a picture of a man who could be a modern Cassandra...or who may have trapped himself in a purgatory of his own depressing construction.
As citizens of planet Earth, we should deal with cold, hard facts -- yes. But we should also realize that no single doomsday outcome is pre-ordained. To quote a famous science fiction franchise, there's no fate but what we make. And even though we're silly, argumentative creatures, we've accomplished amazing things during our ascent. We've touched the stars.
A thousand years ago, there are many people who would have said such an accomplishment was against the laws of physics too. But we did it, and we're still here. How did we do it? Creativity, imagination, team-work, a sense of belief in ourselves, in our community. Michael Ruppert understands these elements are important, but he is so alone in his own life, it appears, that perhaps he doesn't give these variables the weight they deserve when calculating catastrophe.
See this movie and decide for yourself.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Oops la raie des fesses de Kim Kardashian en bikini
Oops la raie des fesses de Kim Kardashian en bikini
Source: hot.curul.fr
Source: hot.curul.fr
How Google Approaches Social Media As A Team Sport
How Google Approaches Social Media As A Team Sport
Source: feedproxy.google.com
Photo credit: Karen Wickre via Danny Sullivan
The following was cross-posted on the new Edelman Digital web site.
Another month, another visit to Silicon Valley – my home away from home – and, with it, another visit to the Googleplex in search of insights. This time I chatted with Karen Wickre, who oversees Google’s growing armada of blogs and Twitter embassies.
Google, perhaps more than any other company, has a culture of openness. Often a company’s culture shapes its communications strategy. And that’s certainly the case with Google. So social media comes naturally.
Karen first launched Google’s corporate blog back in 2004. Today the company has digital embassies for virtually every product. This armada spans dozens of blogs, Twitter profiles, YouTube and more recently Facebook.
Back when the Official Google Blog launched, posts were conservative. Wickre, a former tech journalist, told me over breakfast that early items were almost whimsical, focusing on the food at Google (which I can assure you, rocks).
While the blog still features some trivial fare, no one could call it – or any of Google’s other digital assets – a light weight. In fact, the opposite is true. Google uses its armada to take on hard issues likeChina, public policy and privacy. And it largely eschews press releases, unless they are financial or material to shareholders.
While Wickre doesn’t oversee all these embassies, she serves as a beacon for the teams that manage them – subject matter experts like product managers, engineers and marketers. Like a good coach, she provides templates and best practices and answers questions as they come up. Wickre, in the meantime, is turning her attention to how the company can strategically use its own Buzz product.
Wickre is one of an emerging breed of professionals that companies hire to manage/lead companies down the social media path. Not nearly enough credit goes to people like her. These individuals are often the ones who have to effect change – with the help of partners like us.
Google, perhaps more than any other company, is a model of social media success. One reason is that they tap into the three key trendsthat I wrote about earlier. They are real-time, visible and data driven. However, what they do best is embrace using multiple messages, formats and stories.
I subscribe to a fire hose feed for all the Google blogs as well as their Twitter and Facebook embassies. On any given day you will find a wealth of news, tips and stories that are tailored to specific interests. Only care about Gmail? There’s an embassy for that. How aboutpolicy? That too.
However, Google’s social media success goes beyond just having lots of teams engaged. Each venue slants the content to the reader/viewer’s needs and utilizes different formats – short form, long form, video, images and more. The end result is that Google creates massive surface area that make them hard to miss in an age where information choices are ubiquitous.
The takeaway here for companies is that, when possible, they should consider creating several blogs and – more likely – digital embassies inside existing communities. One Twitter presence might not be enough. The same goes with Facebook. (Note that this is just one approach and not the only one. Some advocate centralizing content into a single place. There are pros/cons to each.)
Businesses today need to consider having multiple streams that are mapped to high priority interests. This creates surface area and lots of entry points for stakeholders to get engaged. What’s more, the content should be “hand crafted“- eg tailored to each community. And these spaces should be managed by identifiable employees who are subject matter experts.
This is how I am tailoring my own content. I use Twitter for sharing/conversing around links and news. My new Facebook community is for discussions and sharing insights and observations. While my Posterous blog site is for essays, videos and the occasional digital doodles.
Now scaling might intimidate some. According to a recent Smartbrief survey, time is the chief obstacle to engaging in social communities. However, if a business makes social media a team sport, as Google does, anyone can succeed.
Source: feedproxy.google.com
It's 2010...let's look back at the past decade like old people reminiscing about when Werthers weren't "so gut-darn expensive"
It's 2010...let's look back at the past decade like old people reminiscing about when Werthers weren't "so gut-darn expensive"
Welcome to 2010, everybody! I thought I'd give you a few days to recover from New Years (or should I say Too(Many) Beers? Oh, see what I did there?! Punny! I should write for The Family Circus...although I doubt they would want to stray from their patented brand of hard-core Christianity). Moving on. Remember when I said I wasn't about to do a decade look-back like so many blogs were doing? Because I was so above it? Well, remember how I'm also very short-sighted and hypocritical? Exactly. Well it wasn't 24 hours into 2010 that I thought "holy shit, why the hell didn't I do a look-back?" I think it happened shortly after I read my Crazy Frog Penis piece for the third time when I realized I could do much better than a story about animated amphibian genitals (although don't get me wrong; Crazy Frog's junk still represents 2000-2009 for me). Anyways, here are some tidbits and turds from the past 10 years that are permanently scarred into my brain.
A&E's Intervention
Oh my god, tell me there is a better show on television than Intervention. Do it. Okay, now that that's out of your system, can I tell you that if you had told me that in person, I would have slapped your face for running your fool mouth like that? Don't EVER talk about Intervention like that again! Seriously, fuck the D.A.R.E. program - show this to high school kids, and I promise you drug use in teens would be down 800%
Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!
Okay, I'm about to address a bit of a touchy subject: not everyone loves Tim & Eric. I get it, okay? Not all of you find Tom Goes To The Mayor or Awesome Show, Great Job! funny. It doesn't mean I agree with you (I don't) but I can accept that you think it's stupid or lame or just not funny or boring or whatever. But listen a second, okay? Name two people - shit, name ONE person - as creative or different or new-feeling as Tim & Eric. It's hard, right? Exactly. Tim & Eric for me is like seeing a new colour or hearing an unfamiliar sound.
David Sedaris
David Sedaris has been around since 1992, but it wasn't till the early part of the '00s that he found mainstream success. I know that Sedaris' books aren't particularly poignant or brilliant, but they did renew my love for reading, and that in itself is a big deal.
Strangers with Candy
I know I'm cutting it very close with this one, since it was released in 1999, however, it wasn't released on DVD till the '00s, which is when I gained access to it (since Canada is a Turd Ferguson and won't air the same shows as its American counterparts). It's just a shame that the movie Strangers with Candy blew so, so hard.
2009: The Year that Everyone Died
Seriously? Here's the shortlist:
Captain Lou Albano (THE BEST! Motherfucking Super Mario used his last warp whistle and took the big green pipe to Heaven)
DJ AM (that was fucking weird, right?)
Bea Arthur (WHY, GOD, WHY?!?! Don't take Betty White next, or I'll kill you)
Billy Mays (it should have been Sham-Wow Vince. There, I said what everyone was thinking)
Brittany Murphy (thank god she was Tai in Clueless, otherwise we'd be remembering her for Uptown Girls and Little Black Book and as the creepy girl who says "I'll never tell" in the crappy Michael Douglas movie)
Ed McMahon (who will give out the giant cheques now?!?!)
Farrah (um...it was her turn)
Henry Gibson (fuck you, I was super sad about this - he was the creepy Doctor from The Burbs)
THE SWAYZE (unfair)
...and I feel like I'm missing someone, but I can't remember :(
Good riddance to bad rubbish
To me, the later part of the '00s was a good time for people to step out of their shitty piles of doo doo and make a better career for themselves. Case in point:
Justin Timberlake: left N'SYNC (which is a criminal embarrassment in itself) and became even richer and even famous'er and actually made songs that didn't leave my ears pooling with blood.
Tina Fey: left the slowest sinking ship SNL, where she was nothing more than a crappy haircut and crappier purple suits (and background for prettier girls like Maya Rudolph and Amy Poehler) and created 30 Rock, which is bad ass.
Ted Allen: left Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, which in itself was a pit so deep and full of turds that it would require years and years to put that shame behind you, and yet? Ted Allen is now pretty much King of the Food Network (hosting Chopped, Food Detectives, judging Iron Chef America and Top Chef, and is a contributing writer for Esquire).
Lindsay Lohan: left profitable movies and the respect of Hollywood and 100% of her dignity to become the World's Most Famous Crackhead. Good for you, girl! A reputation ain't nothin' but a G thang.
Arrested Development
OBVIOUSLY! Thank go we have 30 Rock, otherwise I have no idea how I would fill the void left in my heart. Goddamn, that show was brilliant beyond brilliant; I'm almost glad it was canceled, so that I never had to witness its inevitable shark-jumping.
UPDATE: I totally forgot Chappelle's Show, MTV Canada with Paul the Intern, the 4th hour of the Today Show with Kathie Lee and Hoda Kotb, and 9/11 being the literal incarnation of a drunk girl at a party who keeps reminding people that she's drunk (we get it, 9/11, you happened...get over it).
Welcome to 2010, everybody! I thought I'd give you a few days to recover from New Years (or should I say Too(Many) Beers? Oh, see what I did there?! Punny! I should write for The Family Circus...although I doubt they would want to stray from their patented brand of hard-core Christianity). Moving on. Remember when I said I wasn't about to do a decade look-back like so many blogs were doing? Because I was so above it? Well, remember how I'm also very short-sighted and hypocritical? Exactly. Well it wasn't 24 hours into 2010 that I thought "holy shit, why the hell didn't I do a look-back?" I think it happened shortly after I read my Crazy Frog Penis piece for the third time when I realized I could do much better than a story about animated amphibian genitals (although don't get me wrong; Crazy Frog's junk still represents 2000-2009 for me). Anyways, here are some tidbits and turds from the past 10 years that are permanently scarred into my brain.
A&E's Intervention
Oh my god, tell me there is a better show on television than Intervention. Do it. Okay, now that that's out of your system, can I tell you that if you had told me that in person, I would have slapped your face for running your fool mouth like that? Don't EVER talk about Intervention like that again! Seriously, fuck the D.A.R.E. program - show this to high school kids, and I promise you drug use in teens would be down 800%
Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!
Okay, I'm about to address a bit of a touchy subject: not everyone loves Tim & Eric. I get it, okay? Not all of you find Tom Goes To The Mayor or Awesome Show, Great Job! funny. It doesn't mean I agree with you (I don't) but I can accept that you think it's stupid or lame or just not funny or boring or whatever. But listen a second, okay? Name two people - shit, name ONE person - as creative or different or new-feeling as Tim & Eric. It's hard, right? Exactly. Tim & Eric for me is like seeing a new colour or hearing an unfamiliar sound.
David Sedaris
David Sedaris has been around since 1992, but it wasn't till the early part of the '00s that he found mainstream success. I know that Sedaris' books aren't particularly poignant or brilliant, but they did renew my love for reading, and that in itself is a big deal.
Strangers with Candy
I know I'm cutting it very close with this one, since it was released in 1999, however, it wasn't released on DVD till the '00s, which is when I gained access to it (since Canada is a Turd Ferguson and won't air the same shows as its American counterparts). It's just a shame that the movie Strangers with Candy blew so, so hard.
2009: The Year that Everyone Died
Seriously? Here's the shortlist:
Captain Lou Albano (THE BEST! Motherfucking Super Mario used his last warp whistle and took the big green pipe to Heaven)
DJ AM (that was fucking weird, right?)
Bea Arthur (WHY, GOD, WHY?!?! Don't take Betty White next, or I'll kill you)
Billy Mays (it should have been Sham-Wow Vince. There, I said what everyone was thinking)
Brittany Murphy (thank god she was Tai in Clueless, otherwise we'd be remembering her for Uptown Girls and Little Black Book and as the creepy girl who says "I'll never tell" in the crappy Michael Douglas movie)
Ed McMahon (who will give out the giant cheques now?!?!)
Farrah (um...it was her turn)
Henry Gibson (fuck you, I was super sad about this - he was the creepy Doctor from The Burbs)
THE SWAYZE (unfair)
...and I feel like I'm missing someone, but I can't remember :(
Good riddance to bad rubbish
To me, the later part of the '00s was a good time for people to step out of their shitty piles of doo doo and make a better career for themselves. Case in point:
Justin Timberlake: left N'SYNC (which is a criminal embarrassment in itself) and became even richer and even famous'er and actually made songs that didn't leave my ears pooling with blood.
Tina Fey: left the slowest sinking ship SNL, where she was nothing more than a crappy haircut and crappier purple suits (and background for prettier girls like Maya Rudolph and Amy Poehler) and created 30 Rock, which is bad ass.
Ted Allen: left Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, which in itself was a pit so deep and full of turds that it would require years and years to put that shame behind you, and yet? Ted Allen is now pretty much King of the Food Network (hosting Chopped, Food Detectives, judging Iron Chef America and Top Chef, and is a contributing writer for Esquire).
Lindsay Lohan: left profitable movies and the respect of Hollywood and 100% of her dignity to become the World's Most Famous Crackhead. Good for you, girl! A reputation ain't nothin' but a G thang.
Arrested Development
OBVIOUSLY! Thank go we have 30 Rock, otherwise I have no idea how I would fill the void left in my heart. Goddamn, that show was brilliant beyond brilliant; I'm almost glad it was canceled, so that I never had to witness its inevitable shark-jumping.
UPDATE: I totally forgot Chappelle's Show, MTV Canada with Paul the Intern, the 4th hour of the Today Show with Kathie Lee and Hoda Kotb, and 9/11 being the literal incarnation of a drunk girl at a party who keeps reminding people that she's drunk (we get it, 9/11, you happened...get over it).
Agent Provacateur 75% off Sale
Agent Provacateur 75% off Sale
Agent P. one of my personal favorite purveyors of lacy underpinnings is having one of their very, very, rare sales. Save up to 75% off selected styles (AKA works of art for your bod). Feel sexy no matter what you're wearing on top. Suprise your man for V-day and sport under a zebra-print Snuggie. He'll enjoy the irony.
Agent P. one of my personal favorite purveyors of lacy underpinnings is having one of their very, very, rare sales. Save up to 75% off selected styles (AKA works of art for your bod). Feel sexy no matter what you're wearing on top. Suprise your man for V-day and sport under a zebra-print Snuggie. He'll enjoy the irony.
Secrets from Sex and the City Sequel!
Secrets from Sex and the City Sequel!
-Photo by ANDERSON/VILA/Bauer-Griffin-
What's better than a bunch of sex secrets?
London's Mirror reportedly got their hands on a page of the script from Sex and the City 2 -- and it looks like Kim Cattrall's cancer-surviving�Samantha is fighting a new battle this time around.
And this battle is called menopause!
"I'm going to need you to go on a testosterone run," Samantha, with a bottle of hormone pills on her desk, tells assistant�Meghan, according to the paper.
"I'll do it first thing tomorrow," Meghan reportedly replies.
"Said the 24-year-old. I'll call the pharmacy and tell them you are on your way," Samantha steps in.
Looking at Kim (wow!), you would never think she is old enough to be going through her changes -- but, apparently,�nature doesn't know that she's still a hottie.
Wanna know another inside tidbit?
Well, Samantha may have broken up with young and devoted Smith Jerrod in the first film, but she's definitely still�talking to him -- at least on the�phone -- in the follow-up.
Menopause, love, shoes, young boys, Mr. Big --�what�more could you ask for in a sequel?
Stepfather, Zombieland and The Final Destination Trailer
Stepfather, Zombieland and The Final Destination Trailer
O.K. so Final Destination kind of sucks but in it's total badness it still doesn't stop being amusing and now it's coming at you in 3-D ( which is why I really want to see it.)
The stepfather is a chilling thriller and a 70's film remake that sure to be a ride too enjoy!
Zombieland is another Shawn of the dead take on but it actually might be good, worth a trailer watch though.
THE STEPFATHER
THE FINAL DESTINATION
ZOMBIELAND
O.K. so Final Destination kind of sucks but in it's total badness it still doesn't stop being amusing and now it's coming at you in 3-D ( which is why I really want to see it.)
The stepfather is a chilling thriller and a 70's film remake that sure to be a ride too enjoy!
Zombieland is another Shawn of the dead take on but it actually might be good, worth a trailer watch though.
THE STEPFATHER
THE FINAL DESTINATION
ZOMBIELAND
Katherine Heigl Dress Wants Nothing to Do With Her
Katherine Heigl Dress Wants Nothing to Do With Her
Katherine Heigl’s dress had no interest in being associated with the strangely off looking actress, and decided to express its feelings while Heigl was on stage accepting a ShoWest award last night next to world Nobel Prize Winner in Economics Billy Bush. Anyone interested in almost looking at Katherine’s breast, click through the following gallery. 
Source: www.bestweekever.tv
Katherine Heigl’s dress had no interest in being associated with the strangely off looking actress, and decided to express its feelings while Heigl was on stage accepting a ShoWest award last night next to world Nobel Prize Winner in Economics Billy Bush. Anyone interested in almost looking at Katherine’s breast, click through the following gallery.
Katherine Heigl’s dress had no interest in being associated with the strangely off looking actress, and decided to express its feelings while Heigl was on stage accepting a ShoWest award last night next to world Nobel Prize Winner in Economics Billy Bush.
Anyone interested in almost looking at Katherine’s breast, click through the following gallery.
Source: www.bestweekever.tv
Award-Winning Moments at the Oscars
Award-Winning Moments at the Oscars
We can’t all be winners. But this handful of Hollywood hotshots can say that they’ve achieved the ultimate accolade: snagging an Academy Award. Here we highlight the most memorable moments from the 2010 Oscars. Congrats to the winners. And to everyone else... Hey, it’s an honor just to be nominated... or so they say.
See full story on Glam.com.
We can’t all be winners. But this handful of Hollywood hotshots can say that they’ve achieved the ultimate accolade: snagging an Academy Award. Here we highlight the most memorable moments from the 2010 Oscars. Congrats to the winners. And to everyone else... Hey, it’s an honor just to be nominated... or so they say.See full story on Glam.com.
Bratz Disco Party - A Dress Rehearsal - and a very special announcement - Happy Birthday Gigi!
Bratz Disco Party - A Dress Rehearsal - and a very special announcement - Happy Birthday Gigi!
Thanks everyone for the emails - I haven't been as consistent with my posts of late as we are renovating a new house which we hope to be moving into in a few weeks - sooooo excited! But in the meantime, we also managed to throw a farewell to the old house/birthday party for Gigi over the weekend - she wanted a Bratz Disco Party (which ended up being all about Hannah Montana anyway!) and here is a little picture of the girls at their dress rehearsal. Once we are settled into the new place, I will post all the details of the party as it is a popular theme for little wannabe rockstars! Oh, and I will have to catch up and post about Lulu's Tinkerbell party from February - whoops, thanks for reminding me : )
PS: Happy Birthday to my gorgeous 5 year old - love you G x x x x x
UPDATE: If you can't wait for the details of the Bratz Disco Party, I have just left a comment on one of my favourite blogs, MamaMia regarding children's parties with some of the details of what we got up to : )
Thanks everyone for the emails - I haven't been as consistent with my posts of late as we are renovating a new house which we hope to be moving into in a few weeks - sooooo excited! But in the meantime, we also managed to throw a farewell to the old house/birthday party for Gigi over the weekend - she wanted a Bratz Disco Party (which ended up being all about Hannah Montana anyway!) and here is a little picture of the girls at their dress rehearsal. Once we are settled into the new place, I will post all the details of the party as it is a popular theme for little wannabe rockstars! Oh, and I will have to catch up and post about Lulu's Tinkerbell party from February - whoops, thanks for reminding me : )PS: Happy Birthday to my gorgeous 5 year old - love you G x x x x x
UPDATE: If you can't wait for the details of the Bratz Disco Party, I have just left a comment on one of my favourite blogs, MamaMia regarding children's parties with some of the details of what we got up to : )
Maria José Loyola fotos Revista Max
Maria José Loyola fotos Revista Max
Source: cuerazos.blogspot.com
Source: cuerazos.blogspot.com
Sunday, March 21, 2010
The Mascots of the Olympics!
The Mascots of the Olympics!
Okay, so unless you've been living under a rock like a pertader-bug, you know that in a little over 24-hours the opening ceremony for the 2010 Winter Olympiad will be happening. And guess who is just as excited as heck to watch it?!?! That's right! I may be super-cynical and dislike all things mainstream and pedestrian (not to mention my steadfast hatred of all televised sports) but I get so thoroughly jazzed for the Olympics. I think it's the aggressive competition since I'm from a country full of Olympic underdogs; Canada's not like the US, where you KNOW you're going to win 99% of the events (both Summer and Winter, you douchebags) but we're not some rinky-dink tiny-town country like The People's Republic of Matti-Matti where you have one delegate and they have a better chance of finding a finger in their Coke than even so much as looking at the winner's podium. Also this Olympiad is in my country, bitches! We are going to deliver so much rashy red pwnage that your balls will burn for weeks (well...at Hockey. The other sports will probably domashize us pretty hard. But Hockey...we've definitely got that one in the bag).
Anyways, I thought it would be fun to go back and take a look at my favourite part of the Olympics: the mascots! Santo Dios, the mascots! Is there nothing shittier or more thrown-together-last-minute looking than the Olympic mascot? The best part is they have at least 4 years to create something cute and they usually end up failing so hard their designs ruin their careers. So let's take a look back at the Hits and Misses of the Olympic Mascots!
HIGHER, FASTER, STRONGER! (the best of the best)
NAME: Waldi
SPECIES: Dog (specifically Wiener)
COUNTRY: Munich, Germany
YEARS ACTIVE: Summer 1972
First up we have Waldi, the adorable wienerdog from Germany. I like when a country goes "We're known for Lederhosen and wienerdogs...fuck it, just make the mascot a wienerdog wearing lederhosen". It's a good thing they did cute too, because what's the first thing you think of when someone says Germany? Hitler, exactly. And what's the exact opposite of Hitler? PUPPIES!!1!
NAME: Amik
SPECIES: Beaver
COUNTRY: Montreal, Canada
YEARS ACTIVE: Summer 1976
Speaking of adorable, meet Amik the beaver! Amik can double as a mascot for the Pride Parade, so not only is he an example of good design, he's also a beacon of thrift and getting your money's worth. Also, doesn't Amik look like he was created by Milton Glaser? I like that.
NAME: Misha
SPECIES: Bear
COUNTRY: Moscow, Russia
YEARS ACTIVE: Summer 1980
SQUEEEEE!!!! Look at him! Have you ever seen a bear with such bold "cuddle me" body language? Look at that face - how could you boycott such an adorable bundle of fur? Exactly. SHAME ON YOU, AMERICA.
NAME: Hodori
SPECIES: Tiger
COUNTRY: Seoul, Korea
YEARS ACTIVE: Summer 1988
I think I'm getting the theme of successful Olympic mascots: go cute or go home. When in doubt, take an animal, give it big eyes/soft fur, make it small/fat/round, and give it a cute 2-syllable name. Don't deviate from this winning formula.
* I know that Hodori is 3-syllables, but his name contains part of the word adorable, so it works.
NAME: Beibei, Jingjing, Huanhuan, Yingying, Nini (aka The Fuwa)
SPECIES: Fish, Giant Panda, Olympic Flame, Tibetan Antelope, Swallow (respectfully)
COUNTRY: Beijing, China
YEARS ACTIVE: Summer 2008
Oh lord, SEE WHAT I MEAN?!?! The Fuwa were like the LOLcats of the mascot world: short, cat-like, adorable hats, Asian. I wouldn't have accepted anything less from the continent that brought us Hello Kitty and Shiba-Inus.
NAME: Sumi, Quatchi, Miga
SPECIES: Some kind or Urban Legend, Sasquatch, Mythical Sea-bear
COUNTRY: Vancouver, Canada
YEARS ACTIVE: Winter 2010
Thank god my country got our mascots right for this year's Winter Olympiad. We could have easily (and lazily) just called up the creator of Chilly Beach and asked them (whom I'm assuming is Satan) to create a forgettable, ugly mascot. Instead, we called up Meomi and got three (4 if you count Mukmuk the Downs Syndrome Marmot) adorable happy fake animals. That's right! Canada is known for the beaver and house cats, so we needed to make up some animals. And by "make up some animals", I of course mean "throw some scarves on a couple of cast-off Northern-looking Hello Kitty characters".
SLOWER, DUMBER, LAMER (mascots so lame not even blind children wanted one)
NAME: Schuss
SPECIES: Um.....person?
COUNTRY: Grenoble, France
YEARS ACTIVE: Winter 1968
Womp womp, what is this? It looks like a sperm on skis. Although we are talking about France, so...
NAME: Roni
SPECIES: Raccoon
COUNTRY: Lake Placid, USA
YEARS ACTIVE: Winter 1980
True story! Roni was actually a real raccoon that died moments before the games were to begin, so they whipped up this stupid looking human-with-the-head-of-a-raccoon creature to replace him. Know what would have been a better replacement? FINDING ANOTHER RACCOON. It's not like they're rare - fuck, I know of 3 completely different raccoons that dig through my garbage every night. Take one of mine!
NAME: Vučko
SPECIES: Wolf
COUNTRY: Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina
YEARS ACTIVE: Winter 1984
Whoah, slow down there buddy - you look like you're about to roofie my drink. Vučko is exactly like how I stereotype guys from Bosnia/Herzegovina: pushy Eastern-European Eurotrash who are about 13 years behind on fashion, 20 year behind on popular music, and so new to a life outside crippling poverty they hoard all their toilet paper and soap.
Note: NONE of what I just said made any sense.
AME: Sam
SPECIES: Eagle
COUNTRY: Los Angeles, USA
YEARS ACTIVE: Summer 1984
Ugh. Fuck. This is why you don't let the animators at Disney design your mascot. You catch them at the worst time (right after the 1960s Disney Golden Age, but right before the 1990s Disney Renaissance - aka Oliver and Company time) so all they can do is pull together scraps of Disney characters to form a shitty bald eagle. Plus, he's modeled after Uncle Sam who, in essence, is an American mascot. That's right - you made a mascot based on another mascot. And you named him THE EXACT SAME NAME. Someone got paid handsomely for this, btw. Remember that when you're eating Ramen Noodles for the 600th time this year.
NAME: Hidy and Howdy
SPECIES: Polar bears
COUNTRY: Calgary, Canada
YEARS ACTIVE: Winter 1988
It wouldn't be fair of me to make fun of Olympic mascots and give 2 glowing reviews to Canadian ones, so here is where I take an unbiased approach to explaining why Hidy and Howdy are two pieces of FAIL. First off, they made two mascots that couldn't been seen without each other, ever. I liked it better when it was called Donnie and Marie Osmond. Second, what the hell is with the primary colour scheme? Was our budget that low? Thirdly, Hidy and Howdy are basically redneck hillbillies: they live in Calgary (farmland), their cowboy hats are permanently affixed to their heads, they're brother and sister but have this creepy, incestuous relationship. Welcome to Canada!
NAME: Cobi
SPECIES: Dog (specifically, Catalan Sheep)
COUNTRY: Barcelona, Spain
YEARS ACTIVE: Summer 1992
What. The. Fuck. Is. This? This is supposed to be a dog. A dog?!?! Are you getting dog from this? I can see sick cat on its last trip to the vet, or even local pervert who can't keep his clothes on and therefore isn't allowed in any neighborhood with an Elementary School, but dog? Someone dropped the ball here.
NAME: Olly, Syd, Millie
SPECIES: Kookaburra, Platypus, Echinda (respectfully)
COUNTRY: Sydney, Australia
YEARS ACTIVE: Summer 2000
Oh my god, BOOOOOOORINGGGGGGGGG. They had the perfect animals at their fingertips - the Kangaroo - and tossed it aside for 3 extremely boring and uninteresting animals (not to mention one that the third one has a face that looks like a dick and balls). Seriously, why didn't they pick a mascot that was a kangaroo? Or at least a kangaroo drinking a can of Fosters (that would have been amazing).
NAME: Copper, Powder, Coal
SPECIES: Coyote, Snowshoe Hare, Bear (respectfully)
COUNTRY: Salt Lake City, USA
YEARS ACTIVE: Winter 2002
Oh Christ, America, were there that many unused characters from Brother Bear? I feel like someone just searched the dumpster behind the Disney studios for these guys. Albeit they're tolerable, they're not creative in any way and their names bother me. Copper? That's a name for a Golden Retriever. Powder? There's only one Powder in my life, and it isn't this rabbit. Coal? Is that offensive to Black people? Why didn't they just go with Brown Thing, Hoppy and Grizzle. Just as lame, just as forgettable.
NAME: Neve and Gliz
SPECIES: Anthropomorphized snowball and ice cube
COUNTRY: Turin, Italy
YEARS ACTIVE: Winter 2006
This was seriously the best Italy could do. Know who would have been two way better mascots? That's right - the pillars of Italian heritage and hard-work themselves: MARIO AND LUIGI. They'd be perfect. They're both Italian, their coveralls reflect the colors of the Italian flag, their bushy moustaches are comical. Plus, with instant recognition, people would actually have given a shit about the Turin Olympics (wasn't it like the least-watched Winter games or something? Maybe I just didn't care). Regardless, don't Neve and Gliz look like total simpletons?
WHAT THE FUCK?!? (no seriously, was this mascot the result of a government-sponsored coloring contest?)
NAME: Schneemann
SPECIES: Snowman
COUNTRY: Innsbruck, Austria
YEARS ACTIVE: Winter 1976
Schneemann looks like a crappy Dollar Store Christmas decoration. Why not just make your mascot Santa, for Chrissakes.
NAME: Magique
SPECIES: Your guess is as good as mine
COUNTRY: Albertville, France
YEARS ACTIVE: Winter 1992
Speaking of crappy $1 Christmas decorations, meet Magique - the lamest human/non-human hybrid on the list. He narrowly beat out Roni as being the worst, but only because where Roni is questionable at best, Magique is just downright ridiculous. So...he's a star? But with a man's face? But...was he born that way, or was it the result of a freak accident? So many questions I don't need answered in order to sleep at night.
NAME: Håkon and Kristin
SPECIES: Humans
COUNTRY: Lillehammer, Norway
YEARS ACTIVE: Winter 1994
Sike! Are you looking at this?!?! A mascot is supposed to be colorful and playful and easily re-created into stuffed animals, not be the living embodiment of children. Who was the designer, Michael Jackson? Ooooooh, I know - cheap shot, even after the man's death.
NAME: Sukki, Nokki, Lekki, Tsukki (aka The Snowlets)
SPECIES: Owls
COUNTRY: Nagano, Japan
YEARS ACTIVE: Winter 1998
Never have I seen a drawing with such an obvious influence from hard-core narcotics. Is Nagano a big opium town? This looks like the kind of drawings I make after I'm finished cleaning my poorly-ventilated bathroom with Comet.
NAME: Athena and Phevos
SPECIES: Humans (?)
COUNTRY: Athens, Greece
YEARS ACTIVE: Summer 2004
ATTACK OF THE WIENER PEOPLE! All jokes aside, I feel dirty looking at Athena and Phevos. Also, why wasn't their mascot a character from Greek Mythology? How cool would a cartoon centaur have been? Couldn't they have put it to a vote? The Greeks invented Democracy.
"They also invented homos!"
- "Fuck you!"
"You wish! You gotta buy me dinner first!"
Oh Ghost World, is there anything you can't make better?
AND LAST PLACE GOES TO...
NAME: Izzy aka The Atlanta Whatzit
SPECIES: Visual tragedy
COUNTRY: Atlanta, USA
YEARS ACTIVE: Summer 1996
Never has an Olympic mascot held so much widespread contempt than the Atlanta Whatzit, an image of pure hatred. You know, the funny thing is when I first saw Izzy back in 1996 (I won't admit my age, but let's just say I was really into getting my period for the first time) I thought to myself "Wow. That is just so terrible." Hello! A dumb teenage idiot could realize that Izzy was a bad decision! Who the hell green-lit this monstrosity?! Oh well, we can only hope that London or Rio de Janiero will make something even worse and finally let Izzy retire to the Olympic Graveyard.
Okay, so unless you've been living under a rock like a pertader-bug, you know that in a little over 24-hours the opening ceremony for the 2010 Winter Olympiad will be happening. And guess who is just as excited as heck to watch it?!?! That's right! I may be super-cynical and dislike all things mainstream and pedestrian (not to mention my steadfast hatred of all televised sports) but I get so thoroughly jazzed for the Olympics. I think it's the aggressive competition since I'm from a country full of Olympic underdogs; Canada's not like the US, where you KNOW you're going to win 99% of the events (both Summer and Winter, you douchebags) but we're not some rinky-dink tiny-town country like The People's Republic of Matti-Matti where you have one delegate and they have a better chance of finding a finger in their Coke than even so much as looking at the winner's podium. Also this Olympiad is in my country, bitches! We are going to deliver so much rashy red pwnage that your balls will burn for weeks (well...at Hockey. The other sports will probably domashize us pretty hard. But Hockey...we've definitely got that one in the bag).
Anyways, I thought it would be fun to go back and take a look at my favourite part of the Olympics: the mascots! Santo Dios, the mascots! Is there nothing shittier or more thrown-together-last-minute looking than the Olympic mascot? The best part is they have at least 4 years to create something cute and they usually end up failing so hard their designs ruin their careers. So let's take a look back at the Hits and Misses of the Olympic Mascots!
HIGHER, FASTER, STRONGER! (the best of the best)
NAME: WaldiSPECIES: Dog (specifically Wiener)
COUNTRY: Munich, Germany
YEARS ACTIVE: Summer 1972
First up we have Waldi, the adorable wienerdog from Germany. I like when a country goes "We're known for Lederhosen and wienerdogs...fuck it, just make the mascot a wienerdog wearing lederhosen". It's a good thing they did cute too, because what's the first thing you think of when someone says Germany? Hitler, exactly. And what's the exact opposite of Hitler? PUPPIES!!1!
NAME: AmikSPECIES: Beaver
COUNTRY: Montreal, Canada
YEARS ACTIVE: Summer 1976
Speaking of adorable, meet Amik the beaver! Amik can double as a mascot for the Pride Parade, so not only is he an example of good design, he's also a beacon of thrift and getting your money's worth. Also, doesn't Amik look like he was created by Milton Glaser? I like that.
NAME: MishaSPECIES: Bear
COUNTRY: Moscow, Russia
YEARS ACTIVE: Summer 1980
SQUEEEEE!!!! Look at him! Have you ever seen a bear with such bold "cuddle me" body language? Look at that face - how could you boycott such an adorable bundle of fur? Exactly. SHAME ON YOU, AMERICA.
NAME: HodoriSPECIES: Tiger
COUNTRY: Seoul, Korea
YEARS ACTIVE: Summer 1988
I think I'm getting the theme of successful Olympic mascots: go cute or go home. When in doubt, take an animal, give it big eyes/soft fur, make it small/fat/round, and give it a cute 2-syllable name. Don't deviate from this winning formula.
* I know that Hodori is 3-syllables, but his name contains part of the word adorable, so it works.
NAME: Beibei, Jingjing, Huanhuan, Yingying, Nini (aka The Fuwa)SPECIES: Fish, Giant Panda, Olympic Flame, Tibetan Antelope, Swallow (respectfully)
COUNTRY: Beijing, China
YEARS ACTIVE: Summer 2008
Oh lord, SEE WHAT I MEAN?!?! The Fuwa were like the LOLcats of the mascot world: short, cat-like, adorable hats, Asian. I wouldn't have accepted anything less from the continent that brought us Hello Kitty and Shiba-Inus.
NAME: Sumi, Quatchi, MigaSPECIES: Some kind or Urban Legend, Sasquatch, Mythical Sea-bear
COUNTRY: Vancouver, Canada
YEARS ACTIVE: Winter 2010
Thank god my country got our mascots right for this year's Winter Olympiad. We could have easily (and lazily) just called up the creator of Chilly Beach and asked them (whom I'm assuming is Satan) to create a forgettable, ugly mascot. Instead, we called up Meomi and got three (4 if you count Mukmuk the Downs Syndrome Marmot) adorable happy fake animals. That's right! Canada is known for the beaver and house cats, so we needed to make up some animals. And by "make up some animals", I of course mean "throw some scarves on a couple of cast-off Northern-looking Hello Kitty characters".
SLOWER, DUMBER, LAMER (mascots so lame not even blind children wanted one)
NAME: SchussSPECIES: Um.....person?
COUNTRY: Grenoble, France
YEARS ACTIVE: Winter 1968
Womp womp, what is this? It looks like a sperm on skis. Although we are talking about France, so...
NAME: RoniSPECIES: Raccoon
COUNTRY: Lake Placid, USA
YEARS ACTIVE: Winter 1980
True story! Roni was actually a real raccoon that died moments before the games were to begin, so they whipped up this stupid looking human-with-the-head-of-a-raccoon creature to replace him. Know what would have been a better replacement? FINDING ANOTHER RACCOON. It's not like they're rare - fuck, I know of 3 completely different raccoons that dig through my garbage every night. Take one of mine!
NAME: VučkoSPECIES: Wolf
COUNTRY: Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina
YEARS ACTIVE: Winter 1984
Whoah, slow down there buddy - you look like you're about to roofie my drink. Vučko is exactly like how I stereotype guys from Bosnia/Herzegovina: pushy Eastern-European Eurotrash who are about 13 years behind on fashion, 20 year behind on popular music, and so new to a life outside crippling poverty they hoard all their toilet paper and soap.
Note: NONE of what I just said made any sense.
AME: Sam
SPECIES: Eagle
COUNTRY: Los Angeles, USA
YEARS ACTIVE: Summer 1984
Ugh. Fuck. This is why you don't let the animators at Disney design your mascot. You catch them at the worst time (right after the 1960s Disney Golden Age, but right before the 1990s Disney Renaissance - aka Oliver and Company time) so all they can do is pull together scraps of Disney characters to form a shitty bald eagle. Plus, he's modeled after Uncle Sam who, in essence, is an American mascot. That's right - you made a mascot based on another mascot. And you named him THE EXACT SAME NAME. Someone got paid handsomely for this, btw. Remember that when you're eating Ramen Noodles for the 600th time this year.
NAME: Hidy and HowdySPECIES: Polar bears
COUNTRY: Calgary, Canada
YEARS ACTIVE: Winter 1988
It wouldn't be fair of me to make fun of Olympic mascots and give 2 glowing reviews to Canadian ones, so here is where I take an unbiased approach to explaining why Hidy and Howdy are two pieces of FAIL. First off, they made two mascots that couldn't been seen without each other, ever. I liked it better when it was called Donnie and Marie Osmond. Second, what the hell is with the primary colour scheme? Was our budget that low? Thirdly, Hidy and Howdy are basically redneck hillbillies: they live in Calgary (farmland), their cowboy hats are permanently affixed to their heads, they're brother and sister but have this creepy, incestuous relationship. Welcome to Canada!
NAME: CobiSPECIES: Dog (specifically, Catalan Sheep)
COUNTRY: Barcelona, Spain
YEARS ACTIVE: Summer 1992
What. The. Fuck. Is. This? This is supposed to be a dog. A dog?!?! Are you getting dog from this? I can see sick cat on its last trip to the vet, or even local pervert who can't keep his clothes on and therefore isn't allowed in any neighborhood with an Elementary School, but dog? Someone dropped the ball here.
NAME: Olly, Syd, MillieSPECIES: Kookaburra, Platypus, Echinda (respectfully)
COUNTRY: Sydney, Australia
YEARS ACTIVE: Summer 2000
Oh my god, BOOOOOOORINGGGGGGGGG. They had the perfect animals at their fingertips - the Kangaroo - and tossed it aside for 3 extremely boring and uninteresting animals (not to mention one that the third one has a face that looks like a dick and balls). Seriously, why didn't they pick a mascot that was a kangaroo? Or at least a kangaroo drinking a can of Fosters (that would have been amazing).
NAME: Copper, Powder, CoalSPECIES: Coyote, Snowshoe Hare, Bear (respectfully)
COUNTRY: Salt Lake City, USA
YEARS ACTIVE: Winter 2002
Oh Christ, America, were there that many unused characters from Brother Bear? I feel like someone just searched the dumpster behind the Disney studios for these guys. Albeit they're tolerable, they're not creative in any way and their names bother me. Copper? That's a name for a Golden Retriever. Powder? There's only one Powder in my life, and it isn't this rabbit. Coal? Is that offensive to Black people? Why didn't they just go with Brown Thing, Hoppy and Grizzle. Just as lame, just as forgettable.
NAME: Neve and GlizSPECIES: Anthropomorphized snowball and ice cube
COUNTRY: Turin, Italy
YEARS ACTIVE: Winter 2006
This was seriously the best Italy could do. Know who would have been two way better mascots? That's right - the pillars of Italian heritage and hard-work themselves: MARIO AND LUIGI. They'd be perfect. They're both Italian, their coveralls reflect the colors of the Italian flag, their bushy moustaches are comical. Plus, with instant recognition, people would actually have given a shit about the Turin Olympics (wasn't it like the least-watched Winter games or something? Maybe I just didn't care). Regardless, don't Neve and Gliz look like total simpletons?
WHAT THE FUCK?!? (no seriously, was this mascot the result of a government-sponsored coloring contest?)
NAME: SchneemannSPECIES: Snowman
COUNTRY: Innsbruck, Austria
YEARS ACTIVE: Winter 1976
Schneemann looks like a crappy Dollar Store Christmas decoration. Why not just make your mascot Santa, for Chrissakes.
NAME: MagiqueSPECIES: Your guess is as good as mine
COUNTRY: Albertville, France
YEARS ACTIVE: Winter 1992
Speaking of crappy $1 Christmas decorations, meet Magique - the lamest human/non-human hybrid on the list. He narrowly beat out Roni as being the worst, but only because where Roni is questionable at best, Magique is just downright ridiculous. So...he's a star? But with a man's face? But...was he born that way, or was it the result of a freak accident? So many questions I don't need answered in order to sleep at night.
NAME: Håkon and KristinSPECIES: Humans
COUNTRY: Lillehammer, Norway
YEARS ACTIVE: Winter 1994
Sike! Are you looking at this?!?! A mascot is supposed to be colorful and playful and easily re-created into stuffed animals, not be the living embodiment of children. Who was the designer, Michael Jackson? Ooooooh, I know - cheap shot, even after the man's death.
NAME: Sukki, Nokki, Lekki, Tsukki (aka The Snowlets)SPECIES: Owls
COUNTRY: Nagano, Japan
YEARS ACTIVE: Winter 1998
Never have I seen a drawing with such an obvious influence from hard-core narcotics. Is Nagano a big opium town? This looks like the kind of drawings I make after I'm finished cleaning my poorly-ventilated bathroom with Comet.
NAME: Athena and PhevosSPECIES: Humans (?)
COUNTRY: Athens, Greece
YEARS ACTIVE: Summer 2004
ATTACK OF THE WIENER PEOPLE! All jokes aside, I feel dirty looking at Athena and Phevos. Also, why wasn't their mascot a character from Greek Mythology? How cool would a cartoon centaur have been? Couldn't they have put it to a vote? The Greeks invented Democracy.
"They also invented homos!"
- "Fuck you!"
"You wish! You gotta buy me dinner first!"
Oh Ghost World, is there anything you can't make better?
AND LAST PLACE GOES TO...
NAME: Izzy aka The Atlanta WhatzitSPECIES: Visual tragedy
COUNTRY: Atlanta, USA
YEARS ACTIVE: Summer 1996
Never has an Olympic mascot held so much widespread contempt than the Atlanta Whatzit, an image of pure hatred. You know, the funny thing is when I first saw Izzy back in 1996 (I won't admit my age, but let's just say I was really into getting my period for the first time) I thought to myself "Wow. That is just so terrible." Hello! A dumb teenage idiot could realize that Izzy was a bad decision! Who the hell green-lit this monstrosity?! Oh well, we can only hope that London or Rio de Janiero will make something even worse and finally let Izzy retire to the Olympic Graveyard.